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This is apparent in all the boys but especially confusing in the case of Julian. At the beginning of the story he says "he could have stood his lot better if she [his mother] had been an old hag who drank and screamed at him" (5) yet later talks about how "there was no reason for her to think she could always depend on him" (14)...
        
        
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While he feels that she raised him well, he does not want her to feel that he will be there for her like she seems to have been there for him. Asbury makes it very clear that he feels his mother was the unnerving force that lead to the demise of his life. Upon his death, he wanted his mother to read a letter her wrote to her about "what she had done to him" (91) but thought, "that his mother would not understand the letter at once? he thought she would be able to see that he forgave her for all that she had done to him" (91)...
        
        
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